LIVING WITH ANXIETY

Anxiety is something that everyone experiences at some point in their lives. Whether it is part of daily life or something that happens occasionally, I think we can all say that it is not a pleasant feeling. For some, it is a mere irritation, but for others, it can feel like it controls them and everything they do.

I started developing anxiety as a disorder shortly before my seventeenth birthday. I was suffering awfully with depression and it sort of came as a package deal for me. To begin with, it wasn't that bad. Then later, once I began suffering with anorexia, it became significantly worse.

Going to school became a major struggle for me. It wasn't just the pressure of my A-Levels that was getting to me – it was everything. Getting up in the morning felt like an impossible task, and the thought of leaving the house to face the day? Impossible. 

I remember one day getting out of bed at about 11am and deciding that I wanted to try going to school. I was shaking terribly when I got there. The room felt too loud and echoey, it felt like the walls were closing in, and there were just too many people. I managed to get to my first lesson, where my teacher then announced without any warning that I was going to sit a mock exam. I broke down in tears and told her I couldn't do it – I just couldn't cope with the situation at all.

Over the years, my anxiety has come and gone. Sometimes it will be so bad that I can't leave the house to go to work. I missed so many lectures during my time at university because of it and I know that without it I probably could have done much better in some of my classes. However, other days it doesn't bother me at all. 

My anxiety is generally linked to stress. If I find a situation or a place stressful, then I can guarantee that my anxiety will come back with a vengeance. The problem is that I need to learn how to handle stress in order to get a hold of my anxiety, but I have no one to help me. The NHS (the UK National Health Service) won't offer me counselling and I can't afford to pay for private insurance. I know how lucky I am to be in a country where there is free healthcare, but I also believe that there is not enough money invested in mental health.

What worries me the most is the future. If I never receive any help, then I might never get better. I know that I will cope because it has been five years and I am still here fighting, alive and mostly well. However, I am constantly worried about losing my job because of the amount of time I have to take off sick. I am lucky that my bosses are very understanding, but I won't be in this job forever and it might not always be the case. I worry for my future and my stability. 

Living with anxiety is not easy and I often find that it involves being stuck in an ongoing cycle of relapse and recovery. I do believe that if we talk about it more and continue to raise awareness of it and the issues that occur because of it, things will get better in time. People need more help in finding coping mechanisms to deal with their stress and anxiety and they need others to be educated in how to be supportive when they are suffering, such as workplaces, schools, universities, and parents.

Education is key, I believe, as is the need for discussion. Sharing our experiences with others can reduce the feeling of isolation and it can help us learn from one another. None of us are alone. There is always someone out there who can relate to us and someone who can help us. 

So, as a final little message, if you are going through a hard time, please remember that you are not alone and that there are people you can reach out to for help. Don't give up. Keep fighting.